Tuesday, February 26, 2019

From The Colonels Out Tray no3

     Wotcher, chums, what's new? Well what a bleedin' day I've 'ad; the Old Man's only 'ad the War Hoffice on the blower. H'apparently someone down there fourt we wus being h'invaded!! 
     It all started just after NAAFI break, I was just settling down for nice puff on me pipe; had just lit it when the Old Man starts 'ollering for me. "Bishop!" 'e shouts "Bishop, you idle scoundrel where are you, man!?" Quick as a flash I stuffs me pipe into me battledress pocket and runs along to 'is office. "'Ere I am, sir!" sez I. "Ah good" 'e sez "Take this memo along to the chief clerk and get him to run off a copy for each department in the barracks and send out two copies to each of the units in the garrison; understood?" "Memo to the chief clerk; copy to each department h'in the barracks and two to each unit in the garrison" sez I, parrot-like. 'E smiled at me and said "That's it, Bishop, well done. Oh, and Bishop, you might want to pop by the guard room and ask the Provost Sergeant to call out the fire picket". "Fire picket, sir?" sez I, quizzical-like. He laughed at me and sez "Yes Bishop, your battle dress appears to be on fire" "Bleedin' 'ell, me pipe!!" I sez and pulled me pipe out of my pocket which was full of smoke "Sorry sir" sez I but 'e never 'eard me; 'e was bent over laughing 'is 'ead orf! Nice, a whole bowl of Old Hobrun gorn up in smoke without yours truly 'aving a puff!!

     So, anyways, orf I goes to see the Chief Clerk or "Chiefy" as we calls 'im and gives 'im this 'ere memo....

Depot Memo

From: Colonel Theo. Williams, Officer Commanding
To: Lt Denham Scott

I understand that we are to be overrun with a new range of Border Reivers from a company known as D’Arlo Figurines! Apparently these chaps will steal the air that you breathe, so lets make sure that everything is locked away so that they are not tempted with any of our other stock!

Norman the Storeman informs me that there are 12 mounted and 16 chaps on foot and that they are all available from the online shop and at forthcoming events.

Border Reivers!! Gad, what next!!

Memo ends

     now the Chiefy is fond of 'is tipple and las' night there was a bit of a do in the Warrant Hofficers and Sergeants Mess; someone had found a ten shilling note or sumfink; any excuse for a bit of a bash, that lot. Anyway, the Chiefy was feeling a bit fragile and not foccusin' too closelyon what was written on the Old Man's memo and, happarently 'e started phoning up all the regiments on the garrison telling them all we was being hinvaded by the Russkies. Dunno 'ow 'e got that from Rievers but it caused a big stink at Garrison 'eadquarters and down in the War Hoffice. The Old Man was livid and the Chiefy's been uo in front of 'im and the RSM and neither of them hinvited him to 'ave a cuppa and a digestive, if you catch my drift.
      Anyhow, apparently there's going to be a nother big do in the Warrant Hofficers and Sergeants Mess again tonight, only Chiefy wont be there, 'e's on Horderley Sergeant for the next week but they are "letting" 'im foot the bill for their drinks.....

The Chiefy after 'is ticking orf from
the Old Man
     Ps. I 'eard the Old Mna saying we'll be seeing some these 'ere Rievers in the flesh, so ter speak, very soon. 
Toodle ooh mates,

Monday, February 18, 2019

Doings from the Depot

Laughing Lars Froiks Painting Corner

     Hello chaps, Basher Bishop 'ere. Blimey, s'been a long time since I clapped me eyes on you. I suppose you're wondering whats been 'appening 'ere at the Depot since we last 'ad a chat. Well, not a lot really. It's been the usual stores audits which meant move the QM store out onto the square, polish every bleeding thing, lay it all out in order, account for every bleeding thing, explain why that bleeding thing or this bleeding thing is a-missing and where's the bleeding paperwork for it; honestly s'enough to drive you stark staring bonkers, it is. 
     An' on top of all that, the Colonel's lad went and got wed. The Old Man was in a right tizz what with 'is missus bending 'is ear 'ole about this, that and the other. 
     Anyhow, they all 'ad a right old dingdong and the Colonel, 'e ended up on crutches after trying to show the assembled guests how to dance like what them Cossacks do; sez 'e saw them do it in Germany when 'e was a young 2nd lieutenant at the end of the war. 'E's been on crutches this last week or so, the miserable old so and so.
     Other news is we've 'ad a new chap posted in; ex-gunner; posted into the QMs department as the Regimental Sign Writer . Sensitive lad 'e is. Posted sideways from the Gunners after 'e got knocked on the bonce by a recoiling 25 pounder breach; made 'im a bit doo-lally it did.  Gunner Larry Froik is name is. Mad keen on painting 'e is which is just as well as a lot of the signs in this 'ere barracks is need a bit of a touch up. 'ere's a photo of 'im what I took in 'is room while 'e was painting the new sign for the NAAFI canteen.

     I fink 'e got a bit carried away but the NAAFI manager liked it; gave 'im a bottle of scotch which young Lars, as we call 'im, is very partial too. I thought it was terrible meself and sez so and 'e called me a Fillerstine!! Blinking cheek!! I'm C of E sez I and just you remember that. 'E just fell down laughing, 'e did. I let it go as it was 'is round at the bar an' I 'ad a raging thirst.
      Anyhow, turns out 'e likes painting so much 'e even paints proper stuff. 'E' painted up some of them wargames figures that the Colonel's been producing in an effort to keep 'is missus in shoes an' 'anbags and what nots. 'ere's some of em 'ere

C17th Inn Set from Colonel Bill's part of their non player character
sets. Just the thing for adding a bit of character to your ECW and TYW
war games tables. I plan to use them in games of Donnybrook and En Garde

Locals gathering to here the latest news at the local inn

ECW/TYW cart with crew and supplies. All these are available
from Colonel Bill's Depot Battalion range

This is one of the Belt Fed female figures that Colonel
Bill's also stock. She has obviously decided to try on her
beau's uniform. 

Another Belt Fed girls, this time a
Blitzmadchen who bears a strong resemblance
to Helga Geerhart from, and listen closely, I
will say this only once; a certain British comedy
show set in WW2 France
     Well that's all that's been a-going on 'ere at the Depot, chums. Gotta go, the Old Man'll wanting 'is cuppa and a digestive. Toodle ooh!

Basher Bishop

Friday, December 21, 2018

Postings In

     "Morning chaps.....Basher Bishop 'ere.....oooh me bleedin' 'ead....I'm feelin' a bit poorly on account of 'aving a few too many pints of Scroggins Mild last night on account of us, the Depot Deadeyes, winning to the Richmond District Tiddly Winks Championship 'eld at the Black Cat pub.          The Old Man weren't too impressed, I can tell you, when I was late this morning wiv 'is tea and crumpets. Though I fink 'e wasn't annoyed on account of me being late.No, 'e  was annoyed on account of 'aving lost some money coz I knows 'e backed our opponents and deadliest rivals, them lot from the Old Codger pub in Little Throckelton. 'ow do I knows that, simple, I found his bookies slip in the pocket of 'is battle dress trousers yesterday when I was ironing 'em. E's blew a whole 10 bob on a flutter; the Old Lady will be fuming wiv 'im now. She's got a gala luncheon or sumfink to attend and is lookin' to get a new 'at and there's was 'im tellin her they couldn't adfford to get 'er a new 'at everytime she goes to lunch. A right old domestic ding dong it was.
      Anyway, when we got to the Depot this morning 'e sezs " Bishop, you blaggard, take your vile face out of the office and over to the QMs and give him these memos. I don't want to see you back here till 1600 hours, understand!"
      Blimey, talk about a sore loser. Anyway, I'm orf to Dirty Den's, the Depot Don Jew-wan, wiv these 'ere meemos then it's the NAAFI canteen for yours truly for a cuppa....cor I'm gasping for a cuppa....pip pip!  

Depot Memo

From: Colonel Theo. Williams, Officer Commanding
To: Doctor Proctor – Depot Medical Centre

Please be aware of the arrival of 8 chaps from the Thirty Years War or English Civil War period. They are all described as casualties, although I suspect some may just be drunken malingerers!
I would be obliged if you could check them over and report back to me as their fitness to serve.

They have the following identifications:
DBH027 C17th Dead – or Dead Drunks

DBH028 C17th Wounded

Memo ends

Depot Memo

From: Colonel Theo. Williams, Officer Commanding
To: Lt Denham Scott

It has been brought to my attention that we have some ‘good time girls’ at the Depot! Please keep them under control whilst they are here. I will hold you personally responsible for any ‘goings on’ between these strange ‘Belt Fed ladies’ and the other ranks.

As I understand it they are named as follows:

BFG51 Prudence State & Fanny Daly – Victorian Nannies

BFG52 Ruith, Alma and Leith – Celtic Druids

Memo ends



Tuesday, December 11, 2018

From The Colonel's Out Tray no2

Me...enjoying a puff on me church warden

....puff...pant....puff....lumme...puff...."the Old Man's wants this meemo delivered to....puff...gasp...Dirty Den pronto....must be some sort of flap on....pant...gasp....I had better run...toodle...gasp!...oooh!...lummee"

'ow Dirty Den sees 'iself. We can't show an actual photo of
'im as there's been several local ladies wot has conceived
recently in mysterious circumstances and we don't want
the Depot being besieged by irate Dads and 'usbands 

Depot Memo

From: Colonel Theo. Williams, Officer Commanding
To: Lt Denham Scott

Just been informed we have some Danish allies needing accommodation at the Depot temporarily. These are a Gripping Beast, mainly plastic, ‘Swordpoint’ Viking army, 104 figures, originally commanded by Sam Catterall. Lots of extras here, such as movement trays, plastic weapons replaced with metal, dice, shieldwall markers etc; and all this in addition to a fantastic paint job on them!

Intention is to promote them to ‘available online for £350’ next weekend, unless a new commanding officer steps forward with around £300 in his hand in the meantime. If you know of such a fine chap then ask him to message the Depot ASAP

Memo ends

From the Colonel's Out Tray no1

     "Hello mates, Basher 'ere. Jus' orf on an herrand for the Old Man. 'E wants me to pass on this 'ere meemo to the QM, Captain Scott. Dirty Den we calls 'im on account of his always wantin' 'is wicked way with the ladies; know wot I mean. Anyway, must go...toodle ooh!"

Depot Memo

From: Colonel Theo. Williams, Officer Commanding
To: Lt Denham Scott

Below are details of the latest ‘Ladies’ from Belt Fed Gaming. These being:

BFG49 Marie Baker – the ‘Pretty Pants’ Gangster

BFG50 Medusa- Ancient Greek Gorgon

It appears that the latter has some problem with her hair, so I suggest that you advise the chaps in the mess to keep clear of her.

It is in order for you to distribute both of them to all who require them via our online facility with immediate effect

Memo ends

Image result for carry on england
The Colonel and one of 'is chums, probably off for tiffin or sumfink...

Thursday, November 15, 2018

WARGAMER Birmingham Show Cancellation

Warning Order Sixteenth of November
Cancellation of WARGAMER Wargames Show, Birmingham 02/12/2018
       "Well that's been and gone and torn it!! Just as I was finking about getting meself all set up for a trip to Birmingham and the chance of a nice curry when the old man, the Colonel, up's and sez as I was packing 'is golf clubs in the boot of the staff car ('e was 'eading orf for the divisional golf championships; all well and good for 'im but it's me that has to lug that bag full of bleedin' clubs around and replace all them divots wot 'e 'acks out orf the ground) "Ah Bishop, me lad" Oh oh, finks I, this don't sound good "Bishop, we shan't be going to Birmingham at the beginning of December; the Wargamer Show on the 2nd of December is off; cancelled I'm afraid, so you can stand down that weekend; Mrs Colonel Bill and myself shall be visiting relatives instead". 
     So that was that, no trip to Birmingham and no nice curry in one of them new curry restaurants wot they 'ave in habundance down there. Lumme!
     And as for my weekend, well I can 'ave it all to myself now....providing Provost Sgt Bleedin' McTavish 'is 'appy wif my bed space lay out!! Cheerio lads, I best get on wif bulling me boots, 'adn't I!"

Image result for british army national service

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Targe 2018, Kirremuir

      "Blimey, I had just put down the Colonel's breakfast kippers in front of 'im this morning when he says "Bishop, get the staff car polished up and then go to the Paymaster and draw some fuel coupons; we're off to Scotland" 
   Oh bleedin' 'eck, I thinks, bang goes my game of darts down at the Crown this Saturday. I was a shoe in for the first prize in the local darts competition; first prize ten shillings!
    "Yes sir; polish the staff car, collect fuel coupons it is, sir!" I replies, smart as yer like. "Sir, one question, sir?" Fixing me with his beady eye and with his mouthful of kipper he says, "Yes, what is it, Bishop" 
     "Well sir, what time are you carrying out this 'ere inspection, sir; if you don't mind me asking, sir?" says I, pouring him his tea.
      "Ah, worried about our game of darts, are we, Bishop?" he says, flecking my battle dress with bits of half chewed kipper. "Don't worry, we'll be back in time: timings at Targe 2018 are first parade 10.00 hours till 16.00 hours on the 10th November. Got that?"
      "Got it, sir" says I, smiling and pouring the milk into his tea.

      So we'll see you there, chaps, now orf you pop before the Provost Sergeant McTavish turns up"

From The Colonels Out Tray no3

     Wotcher, chums, what's new? Well what a bleedin' day I've 'ad; the Old Man's only 'ad the War Hoffice on t...